I feel so much more aware than I ever have. In so many ways. Ways in which I can only think will benefit me for the rest of my life.
With our faces becoming more turned away or hidden by masks to others, I realise the power of my voice, the need for it and recognise that it needs to be louder than ever as my smile is missing. Shocked by the sound of it when speaking to a stranger but even more so to their response. One of unease and sometimes confusion, as you wait patiently to see if their eyes will lift and you can only imagine their full reaction, their smile beneath.
Every part of me works on exaggerating my gestures to offer a comfort in the space between us and the essential interactions we have to undertake. Whether that’s over a checkout or video call with loved ones. There is a space which I am aware of. I’m aware of the importance of the people I know, love, laugh with and my own importance to them when looking for someone who cares.
I’ve stopped thinking about pre and post lockdown and started to accept this moment in time as part of my life. It helps me not to countdown to something I’m not sure of or focus on the things I immensely miss but rather appreciate that it is just a moment.