ED in Quarantine

Dear Yuri,

it’s back, the pain, the hurt and the constant thinking
but everyone goes through shit, this is what I am forced to believe
I hear stories, some like mine and others not even an inkling
we’re all trapped in our own problems, left alone to grieve

feel amazing some days, but the moments gone in a jiffy
cos the amusement always seems to pave the way for depression
I know how it sounds, I agree, it’s a bit iffy
but there’s evidence in my scars, not just mere cries for attention

often wonder what it’s like, to be able to love yourself wholeheartedly
to not have flaws and imperfections peppered all over
but then my mind plays games, acts a bit cowardly
think that to have those flaws, we’re as lucky as a four leaved clover

but of course, as all else good, the thought is gone quicker than it came
can feel the self loathe creeping up on me once more
and I’m left all alone, with self criticism and shame
and misery and guilt burning me to the core

everyday is somehow different, yet the monotony still prevails
cos I wake up feeling terrible, but after that it’s a risky game
I’ve realised it’s all mental, our brain is both the heads and tails
I can control it if I want to, but if I give in it is only I who must take the blame

and so I get through each day, with some highs and some lows
during the highs my face glows, while the lows, they don’t even leave me fearing death
people say this is just temporary, the suffering, eventually it goes
so I anxiously wait for the day I can look in the mirror, without having to hold my breath.

Archita, Auckland, New Zealand


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