Dear Yuri,
It’s like having a lightbulb come on at the most inconvenient times and not turn off. It’s your mind constantly piling up worries and fears that have a very little chance of actually happening. It’s being happy one minute and the next worrying about something to such an extent that you feel you can’t leave the house. It’s putting on a smile when inside you feel shattered; but knowing that you can’t let people see you in a state because they’ll worry about you and you do not want to be a burden. It’s fighting a war inside your head everyday: which no-one knows about.
But, that’s what it does to you, it puts you in a position where you feel like you are going mad. But the thing is- ‘it’ does NOT define you and it NEVER will.
I will continue to do things that it tells me I cannot do. I will continue to think positive, I will continue to believe that I am a good person, that I am a good friend, daughter, sibling even though it tells me I’m not. I will continue to believe that although I still have many bad days, my life only gets better from here.
Yes, ‘it’ will probably forever remain in my life, but now I know it’s name: ‘it’ is ANXIETY and anxiety is NOT the boss of me.