Time

Dear Yuri,

Time is different now and I don’t know whether I like it or not. My mood is constantly changing. One day I’m so thankful for having time to get to know myself better, improve as a person and do all the stuff I’ve always wanted to do but somehow couldn’t find time for, other days I feel trapped, sick and extremely anxious. Will this be our new normal? Will I ever be able to hug my friends and family again? Is my granny alright? How long is this going to last?

I try to keep myself busy, I exercise, have endless conversations via FaceTime, I cook and bake and I drink. But some days I just can’t get out of bed. I lay around, scrolling through my phone, get hit by all the devastating news and fall into this black sadness. I constantly feel the urge to scream or run, because I’m so nervous from the inside out.

I think having so much time is a good thing in the first place, you can really reconnect with yourself again and improve as a person, but it also leaves plenty of space to worry and create endless worst case scenarios in your head, I find it difficult get used to all this time and to find the most productive way to use it.

Overall I try to stay positive with the help of music, lyric and my loved ones, who I appreciate more than ever.

Conversations are longer and more meaningful nowadays which is good, we need that.

I hope we all come out of this as improved human beings, willing to take action to make this world a kinder place.

Shila, Berlin, Germany


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