Dear Yuri,
Like many, I have thought of the truths I will learn and the habits I will fall into during this period. I’m pleased to say the habits have been mostly good, albeit achieved with varying degrees of success (more fruit yes, more reading no), but the truths have been less clear.
Rightly we are lauding the medical staff who are, genuinely, risking their lives to support those who are ill in our society. But their selflessness has not led to the same courage in me. And rather my own emotions and actions have been far more selfish. With middle aged parents (as they would optimistically like to be referred to) working as a GP and Pharmacist, I was quite surprised to find that my overriding feeling during this time has been anxiety.
For the first time in my life their mortality has been at the forefront of my mind, even though I’m acutely aware that their roles mean that they are not facing anywhere near the same threat as others are. Nevertheless, my truth hasn’t been a discovery of a deep well of charity within me, but rather a sudden awareness that my parents are approaching 60 and are fragile.
I’m used to working in the city, living away from home and only dipping into family life, and that will no doubt start again when this time is over. But that feeling I have had during this period will remain and something will be different. My parents will be happy to hear that I won’t promise grand gestures or say that I’ve developed a “new appreciation” for them, but there may be changes in my behaviour and actions now that our relationship has subtly but undeniably shifted. I’ve realised they’re not just here for me, I’m also here for them.