Lockdown Begins

Dear Yuri,

Before lockdown work was crazy,
Wiping doors, hand sanitiser and constant cleaning.
Anxiety going through the roof, always washing hands, not touching anything.
My hands would shake and I would sit on poolside rubbing them.
Monday lockdown was announced and all the anxiety came back
I’m a single mum and relied on help with my daughter when I went to work.
I was scared to go shops, I was very locked in my head.
I go to bed and thoughts run through my head, dating, Covid-19 and just thinking the worst of the next day.
We went on walks daily to feel the fresh air and just feel a bit of freedom.

Months have past and now I feel that, yes, the future is uncertain but I can’t control it.
I have found a motivation by thinking positive thoughts.
I do stuff with my daughter that I did at her age; colouring, Lego, painting and relaxing.
I felt a new found freedom and forgot that I once felt so anxious.
I now do the weekly shop, when before I would do a list for my dad.
I have found out so much about myself by just thinking positive and being positive.

Not saying everyday is like this, I still feel anxious. It never goes away.
But, I now know it’s ok to do nothing, it’s ok to feel down, it’s ok to be me.
I have found stuff I can do that I thought I couldn’t; new skills, new ideas, a new me.
I have found myself and I am happy with myself and IT IS OK TO FEEL DOWN AND NOT WANT TO DO ANYTHING
You got to live your best life even in this horrible situation we live in.

Sinead, Barnsley, England


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