Forgotten Goodbyes

Watching the whole world take a break and being put on pause whilst at the same time feeling the guilt for contributing to the polluted skies and the replaced grass for tarmac. How everything feels so surreal.

I lie in bed realizing how I took for granted being able to have a peaceful sleep, when now anxiety races through my mind, worrying about what the future holds for us all. The fear of uncertainty clouds my brain and overthinking the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘maybes’ consumes every part of me. But what keeps me going is the rainbow paintings I see on windows and doors, the power of colour… helping to brighten up the greyish of grey days.

Using this time to get to know my neighbours, checking up on number 19, and delivering food to number 10. Whilst taking part in the Applause for Key Workers with number 12, and having a laugh outside with number 13. Realizing that their is no bond stronger than the bond of humanity- a bond that more so brings us closer together and less so creates divide.

The freedom to travel. The freedom to shop. Oh how I miss the freedom to pop into Asda for a 10 minute shop- but now it takes double that time just waiting in the queue. How before I could buy what I wanted with just a single click for next day delivery, but now even deliveries are delayed for weeks.

How at first we wouldn’t think twice before giving someone a hug or shaking their hand, but now that all feels like a thing of the past. Wearing gloves and faces covered in masks, it feels like a punishment, the consequences for own behaviour. Maybe this is Gods way of telling us to be kinder and not take things for granted and be wasteful.

I look in the mirror and I have learnt to practice self-love. Something which somewhere along my ‘too busy’ life, I had lost. I have taught myself that when you find yourself crying on the bathroom floor at 3am in the morning or 5pm in the evening- you have to learn to pick yourself up and find the strength to move on because at the end of the day especially at times like this you’re all that you’ve got.

And the most important lesson this lockdown has taught me is that never again will I use excuses to not check up on my relatives or cancel plans with friends. What tomorrow will be like for us, who knows but what is certain is that we will all have to get use to a ‘new normal’. Maybe when all this is over, and having had time to self-reflect we would prefer the new world to the world we left behind. Amongst all this we have forgotten how goodbyes sound, no ‘see you later’ or ‘I’ll pop down for tea’… But until then as the most common goodbyes stand; ‘stay safe’ and ‘take care’.